What do you want? What do you need?

I hate those questions now.  They drive me insane.  Mainly because I feel like they are window dressing bathing than serving a purpose, many times.  I remember being around 10 or 11 the first time I was able to answer the question in earnest, something further than "I want cookies."

By this time I wanted to live with my mother again, having been separated from her.  I wanted to return "home" although we didn't have one.  I also wanted to be adopted, to have a stable home.  I received neither.  My blood relatives allowed me to stay with them temporarily, in exchange for state funds.  I realized this too early, too early, and the pain remains.

But I get frustrated with the question because I feel that whenever I answer it, my response is taken as a suggestion instead of a direct answer.  When I answer this question, there is no equivocation, no "possibly."  If I say that I don't know, I don't know.  If I say I need you with me, or conversely that I need space.  That is it.

It drives me crazy that I have some many people who have said they cared, but ignored the basic things that I have truly needed and expressed  to them.  A family, to not have to call people to hear a "friend's" voice, to have an actual birthday party, etc.  Since it always revolves around family and connections, things that I have been bale to obtain, the inquiries mostly just drive home the pain.

Image from:  Valley, S. (2015, Aug. 5).  Adoption Day!  http://www.staceyvalley.com/tag/baby/  


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