Posts

On Decisions....

Image
Just spoke with an older friend about decisions.  There was something that I shared with her that I needed to remind myself.  We can't beat ourselves up for the decisions we make in retrospect.  Not if we made the best decisions with the information we had in the moment.  Now, once you see that decision isn't working it is incumbent upon oneself to change or adjust.
My issue is paying for the decisions I made with the information I had that I knew was not positive for me.  I have done poorly in life with such, a great fault of mine - for various reasons.
Hopefully it's not too late to recover...

Sadness....

Image
I approached a dark-skinned woman today to get to know her.  I have seen her around for the past year and this is the first time I had a moment to say "hello."  She is usually working.  Her response was sad.  She thought I was approaching her as if she was a sex worker because she was confused.  She actually said that no one has ever come to her with interest as I was attempting to today.  
In the past, this has made me upset, given how many Black women label Black men of my education as only desirous of White women.  But the look of amazement on her face and the cracking of her voice when she said she was confused just was painful.  I feel for her and the others like her who feel that they are not valued.  
A very sad moment....  Hopefully things can turn for the best soon.
PickPik (n.d.). woman wearing tank top stands inside the dark room. https://www.pickpik.com/women-s-model-fashion-shoot-young-model-young-girl-beauty-56236

Paying child support for a woman they never touched. #Equality

Image
"I find it very distasteful that you're bastardizing a child."

Aba & Preach (2020, Jan. 16).  Paying child support for a woman they never touched. #Equality [Video File].  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LU-pxzBl1jY

What do you want? What do you need?

Image
I hate those questions now.  They drive me insane.  Mainly because I feel like they are window dressing bathing than serving a purpose, many times.  I remember being around 10 or 11 the first time I was able to answer the question in earnest, something further than "I want cookies."
By this time I wanted to live with my mother again, having been separated from her.  I wanted to return "home" although we didn't have one.  I also wanted to be adopted, to have a stable home.  I received neither.  My blood relatives allowed me to stay with them temporarily, in exchange for state funds.  I realized this too early, too early, and the pain remains.
But I get frustrated with the question because I feel that whenever I answer it, my response is taken as a suggestion instead of a direct answer.  When I answer this question, there is no equivocation, no "possibly."  If I say that I don't know, I don't know.  If I say I need you with me, or conversely that …

Stopped for Following the Law

Image
I would like you to see this.  For all my friends who don't understand.  Especially when you spend the majority of your life to avoid this for your own "people" or "brother and sisters" to help put you right back into it.
The discussion at 6:08 is especially pertinent.  They do not like when you talk back.  If you do that, you become a target and they will pursue you until you make an error or they can fabricate an error.


Aba & Preach. (2020, Jun. 8).  Stopped for Following the Law [Video File].  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7mj-lijKmJU

Freedom as the fad

Image
I remember some years ago having an argument on Twitter.  This young lady was telling me that because I did not have the proper hashtag(s) on my account, that I was supporting white supremacy.  I was frustrated and incredulous.  Especially given that I had spent the previous week at my job trying to support American Black students who were facing expulsion.  I was doing this as a conduct officer for the university, along with a white guy from Utah who all the Black students labeled as racist - just because...
I am dodging, for the most part, most of the news regarding George Floyd and the associated protests because it hurts me too much.  I have had police on my back while being tazed three times because a cop "had to get control of the situation."  The situation being a conversation between an EMT and I following my car accident.
But I stand frustrated recalling my experience and seeing what is happening now because I do not know how true, how real, it is.  Moreover, in recol…

I Can't Breathe......

Image
I struggle with the current effort and momentum that is being into looking at police brutality and how the States treats its Black citizens.  I am concerned that this can dangerously be only a fad coupled with the opportunity of so many people having time away from jobs, school, etc.  
I am concerned because, in my opinion, there are too many discussions of "people of color" for an issue that is primarily one that affects Black men.  I am tired of having my experience, my fears, being used as the ladder through which "people of color" promote their own values in very subversive manners.  I am tired of people citing "Civil Rights" and attaching the flag to that of the history of slavery.  I feel that too often, these discussion turn and swerve away from the fact that Black men are targeted and treated with according to a standard that can make small encounters deadly.
I am worried because I have found a large number of the people marching now to be willing p…